I was into dogs when I was young. I never understood cats. Once when I was in grade school I chased off a neighbor dog that had chased a neighbor cat up on a chain link fence. I got the cat down and it scratched my ear. I thought that was not very appreciative. When I was 16 we had horses and cows and got a black female cat to control the mouse population. She was awesome. My dad and I watched her play with a mouse and literally scare it to death once. She had kittens and I fell in love with one of them. Sadly he got sick and died when he was still a kitten. It was an unhappy memory as I told mom he was sick and she said we would take him to the vet in the morning. I was devastated.
As an adult cats became part of my life, but I didn’t really begin to understand them until I got older. My mother also was a different situation. I was the peace maker in my family and when I left for the Navy everyone was at each others throats. In my 30s my first marriage had failed and my mother and I were not very close. I recall her asking me one mothers day if I got her flowers and I suddenly felt like somehow I had not fully grasped this whole mother son thing. I excused myself and went to a flower store that looked like it had been hit by a tornado. I got the last flowers they had and went to see my mother. She looked surprised when I told her I would not forget her. One day I had her over for dinner and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Mom never did anything small. She threw him out at gun point. I think he got the message. Anyway she could no longer afford her rent. A week later we had gone from that conversation to me moving in with her. It made sense to me. I help her afford a place to live, get some of my meals cooked and get to spend time with the most important person in my life. It seemed like a good deal given that we tend to ignore our parents most of the year.
When I met Alison I like to remind her she was living with her dad because he was helping her with a place to stay, I was helping my mom afford a place. After we had been together a few years we moved to a place on Bald Peak with 14 acres and it had a full basement with an apartment. Mom was miserable with her room mate so we offered her to move in. A few years later my business was failing and I was borrowing money from her for our lease, but it became obvious it was pointless. Eventually we ended up moving to a place that I was not wild about. We were crowded in a three bedroom house. Mom moved out to live with her friend in San Diego. She grew to hate it.
You have to understand our relationship. I would ask her for help and she would tell me it was not a good time, then do it any way. She called me and asked me to come down and drive her back to Oregon in a moving van. I told her there was no way I could do it and asked her when she wanted me there. That was our relationship. There was nothing we would not do for each other. When I got there she had a leg injury affecting her mobility and I ended up spending a few days helping her pack. We reached Northern California the next day and I had not slept and had driven all but a few miles. We stopped in to a rest stop overlooking Lake Shasta on the afternoon of August 31st, 2001. While we were there she got dizzy and passed out. Then she asked me to call 911. I thought she was overreacting. I took a quick trip to the restroom and came back to hear her vocalizing incoherently. I panicked. To this day I cannot force myself to quite conjure that memory fully, but if I ever hear it again my blood will run cold. I called 911 on a pay phone and when I got back to the truck she was not breathing. I ran around the other side and opened the door. She had gained weight as she was unable to walk much, probably well towards 200 lbs. I picked her up like a baby, scrambled down the step of the truck and ran to the grass calling for help. Help arrived, but it became clear that even if the ambulance didn’t take 45 minutes there was no chance. She was gone.
All my life I could never force myself to think of death. Not mine and not hers. There were grief counselors there. They asked me if anyone else was going to Portland with me. I asked if any of them wanted to go. No, nobody is going with me. They suggested I stop and rest. I knew that would be a mistake. I asked for a moment alone and walked among the trees. It was a beautiful summer day. The grass was green and the lake below was crystal blue beneath the red rocks far below. It was idyllic, somehow far too beautiful and serene. I recall a feeling washing over me that mom had prepared me and i would be okay. My one comfort was that she had told me how proud she was of me and it had become clear I was the person she loved most in the world. It was easily the most devastating moment of my life and I would be wracked with guilt for not saving her for months even after the coroner made it clear that her pulmonary embolism could not have been been recovered from.
I had left San Diego Thursday late afternoon. I left the rest stop around 4 PM Friday and got home early Saturday morning driving a moving van with a car in tow. It was then that I started to cry. I was self employed and quit work. Alison went off to her job. I laid around grieving. On September 11th I got up and turned on the TV and saw buildings on fire. This is how messed up I was. I didn’t know what city it was or how I could feel any worse than I already did… so I turned off the TV and went back to bed. I only relived the event recently and truly was impacted by the horror for the first time, Maybe it colors my perspective because for me it just finally happened.
This story though is about a cat who saved my life. I had two cats, Max and Lacey, who have since gone to their rest. As it happened I was helping a friend with her computer and met her daughter’s cat she was watching. It seemed the funniest looking cat with two color schemes on her face, but she was fascinating. She fetched and she was so affectionate. We really hit it off. As it turned out this cat needed a home. I was surprised Alison was okay with me getting her. When I went to pick her up it was hilarious. The girl opened the door and my cat friend saw me and ran over to a scratching post and grabbed the top with her front paws. She proceeded to spin herself around in a tilted orbit, up to the left and bounce off the floor on the right. Each time she swung she spun her head and looked me in the eye as if to say “are you looking at me?” Needless to say I was smitten.
I brought Cosmo home and she was unlike any cat I’d ever met. She followed me everywhere. Most cats allow you to join their society. Cosmo wanted to be part of mine. When you ate yogurt of ice cream she would look at you and tip her head sideways. She became great friends with our dog. She would sit with me every meal and watch me eat, curious what humans liked and sometimes why I ate weird stuff. She is the only cat I’ve ever known who is an avowed pacifist. She plays catch and release with grasshoppers and doesn’t like animal violence on TV. The girl who gave her to me told me should be be a pest and was worried she would be too much for me. I got her the start of December. A funny thing happened. One day in February I noticed I was feeling happy.
I love cats. I have six. They are all interesting with unique personalities. They have the maturity of an adult creature and yet the emotional state of a child. I love them all, but there has never been a cat that I have the kind of relationship I do with Cosmo. We even irritate each other and sass like an old married couple. When she annoys me and I ask her to give me some peace she gives me a look and walks off. She always obeys me. Within a minute I am consumed with a terrible feeling. She is so like a child and she won’t be with me forever. I can’t bear to think of the day I lose her or how I will cope. All I know is that I would do anything for her, no matter how inconvenient. After those moments of reflection I find myself walking out of my office to find her and pick her up and tell her that I love her and couldn’t live without her. After all, at the lowest point in my life she brought me back from despair. She saved my life.
All Roads Lead to the Fall Of Rome
Friday, October 2nd, 2009I am a history buff. 2000 years ago it was unimaginable that Rome would fall. 1500 years ago it did. When considering great civilizations one cannot help but wonder if we could have the 800 years they did, or longer if you count the Byzantine empire which Rome spawned. When you ask people if they know why Rome fell it is interesting the answers you get. Of course there is the public school educated puzzled look, isn’t Rome still standing? Then there is the old school myth that it was lead poisoning. Finally there is the rightward assertion that it was not protecting their borders. Any explanation of conventional wisdom may have some truth to it, but will be woefully short.
First let’s consider, in condensed fashion, why Rome grew in the first place. Rome came to power at the fade of the noted metal workers from further North, the Etruscans. While they had a lot going for them they were basically only one city and Rome took much of their strong points, as well as absorbing them. Rome took the idea of self rule from Greek Democracy in Athens and was initially ruled by a senate. For all that was good and noble about Rome it was also a brutal culture of conquest. However Rome forged their empire with a wise approach similar to Alexander and Genghis Khan. Most conquerors would set out to dominate those who fell to their conquests. Rome instead, initially, absorbed them into their culture. They followed up conquest by building Roman infrastructure in their new territory. This raised the quality of living for the newly conquered while at the same time providing a uniquely Roman culture. Former enemies could become citizens and in the age of emperors they even had foreign born people rise to emperor. They also assimilated technology in their conquests. They were very tolerant to different religious beliefs making it easy for people to assimilate into their society.
Now let’s consider their fall. The assertion they suffered from lead poisoning is true as they considered it a useful soft metal. Lead was used for water pipes until a few hundred years ago. It was also used for cooking utensils. The ruling class were more susceptible because they got even more in the food, like sapper which was cooked down grape juice used in many dishes. Many became sterile and it is reasonable to attribute some of the apparent insanity of emperors to this. While it was a contributing factor it was not the cause. Likewise the argument about borders ignores the fact that Rome became strong by welcoming in a great many more people inside their borders. The element of truth here is that at the end of their empire people were coming in to enjoy the fruits of being Roman, but not being assimilated into their culture. The military also fragmented.
It is interesting that the United States and Rome both rose to power through welcoming foreigners and tolerating religious views. Paradoxically religious intolerance a few hundred years ago was from the vestiges of Roman power a millenia earlier. One key difference between then and now is that Rome was built on conquest. That’s very different from our economy, which was built on manufacturing and trading durable goods. For instance when you look at the remains of the Coliseum you are seeing emperor Trajen’s spoils of the complete annihilation of the people in what is modern day Hungary. Early Roman legions were absolutely unbeatable because of training and equipment. They had superior armor, large shields and the short deadly Spanish gladius sword. They had the pilam spear which had soft metal at the head of the shaft. It would get stuck in enemy shields leaving them useless. They could form the testudo (tortoise) to shield against arrows. They would march forward six deep killing with minimal effort in short stabs as their opponents swung violently to no effect. Then they would rotate a fresh man to the front every few minutes. It was the ancient equivalent of being the sole nuclear power.
Their military was one factor in their fall. When they were on the offense through around 100 AD they were unstoppable. By 300 AD they were only a shadow of their former glory. They moved from an offensive to a defensive posture and suffered the consequences. Their armor was less effective as were their weapons. Where they once forced their will on their enemies and struck fear in their hearts they had become impotent and by defending now had to spread that defense everywhere. Of course the loss of income from ceasing conquest was compounded by losing territory and taxes. Effectively they lost their economic will and began to recede. Repeated civil wars further drained their treasuries which were getting thin by the time they were paying tribute to barbarians like the Huns.
However the most stunning fact to me was Rome’s social programs. You see the coliseum and the great bath houses and markets were the way the emperors appeased the masses. Appeasement seems to know no ends as ever larger projects threatened to bankrupt the nation. Nero and Caligula were killed for their spending. As Rome conquered North Africa they took over farming grain there. Ships laden with grain would sail to Rome and bread would be baked. Every citizen of Rome was given free bread. Imagine a right to free food. When the Vandals could not find a home in Europe from Germaina to Espana they crossed over to Africa and conquered Roman provinces there. Then they informed Rome there would be no more free bread. It was one of their mercenary generals who was attacked while negotiating with an inept emperor who finally allowed his men to sack the city. The emperor listened to stupid advisers who arrogantly thought they could treat real threats as impudent annoyances… and Rome fell.
The important point is that Rome fell because they had arrogant and incompetent leaders who believed they were invincible simply because they were Rome. They lost their national identity and became internally a collection of disparate groups with different interests. They spent themselves into oblivion on social programs while ignoring their economic engine. They weakened their military. They failed to recognize threats. In roughly 800 years they were only defeated in the peak of their power by one civilization. Ironically their one foe who beat them also captured two emperors. Consider the hubris of a Roman emperor riding into battle thinking his presence will assure victory. It was the Persians who humiliated the Romans and kept an emperor to entertain their royal court. They had the superior military advantage of cavalry armed with exquisite bows and consummate skill. Their warriors could ride in retreat and turn and fire to the rear with deadly accuracy, from which we get the expression of the “parting shot”. Persia by the way is modern day Iran.
The great irony is that Rome, much like Greece, really is Western civilization today. Our languages and cultures are all rooted in Rome. Our medical knowledge did not begin to advance beyond theirs until the 1600s, and even that is only part of the story. In fact the Romans were doing brain surgery, a feat not repeated for over 1900 years. Even more amazing they had piston water pumps and steam powered spinning wheels 2000 years ago. Had they put the two together they could have had locomotives 1800 years earlier than we did. We tend to think we are somehow smarter, but we’re not.
Perhaps the most alarming thing is how we seem to be following the lead of Rome. Our economy is not grounded in conquest, but our military strength is no less essential to our security. With 320 million people in a world of 6.6 billion our only way to invoke fear in those who would threaten us is through superior weaponry. I read recently the assertion that we could have not stopped the USSR in the late 1940s from rolling through Europe without nuclear weapons. It’s tough to dispute, but our president is ready to get rid of them, and he seems to believe that he can succeed with Iran where all others have failed… simply because it’s him. French president Sarkozy intimated Obama is arrogant and naive. Our culture is splintered by ethnic and other factions by self serving politicians who want to leverage and perpetuate political power and financial favors. We are so in love with social programs we have several going broke, Social Security going into the red in 2010. Still we fight over adding adding the largest program ever in health care and the largest tax ever in cap and trade. You don’t need to be highly educated to predict financial collapse without making tough decisions about spending yet this year we gleefully added a trillion dollars to out deficit for no purpose other than to perpetuate our problems. In 2009 congress will spend $44,000 for every household in the country and borrow 40¢ on every dollar. For what? Now we are looking at threats from “small countries” and missing the point. The first world war was started over a single assassination. What might happen over a full blown attack in the most volatile part of the world?
The most important thing to learn from the fall of Rome is that the Romans first stopped seeing themselves as great but never thought their civilization would fall because it had once been great. Once they could eliminate the possibility of failure from their minds they no longer had to consider the consequences of any action and turned to mad self indulgent political suicide. I imagine hundreds of years from now when people look back that if history is preserved the conduct of the leadership of the U.S. at this time will be required reading on arrogance and foolishness in the face of danger. Neither man nor nation can ever be immune from the consequences of terrible policies. Rome is now a legend for the ages. The United States can resume being the fabled shining city on a hill or recede into history. To fail to learn the lessons of Rome is to edge ever closer to it’s pathetic end.
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